Hakuna Matata

Today I was helping a student with a Thanksgiving-themed crossword puzzle.

Him: Where did the Pilgrims land?
Me: I bet you know this. I'll give you a hint. It's called "something Rock".
Him: Oh yeah... Pride Rock.

If only...

One word can make all the difference...

This is just a story that was forwarded to me and not one of my own kids - but it just as easily could have been...

A school teacher once a month has a sticker day. She gives each child a sticker and asks him/her to write a story about it. On this day she gave a little boy a sticker with a horse on it. His story is below. He misspelled one word which changed the context of the story completely.

Fairy Tale Day

Today for Fairy Tale Day, my class consisted of:

1 super awesome mermaid (*cough* it was me *cough*)

4 party pooper boys who were “too cool” to dress up

2 pretty Princesses

A very regal king

2 knights in shining armor

2 Rapunzels

Snow White

2 Little Red Riding Hoods

1 Little Red Riding Hood’s Grandmother

The Big Bad Wolf

Dorothy

The Cowardly Lion

“The Wicked Witch of Oz”

Captain Hook

Harry Potter

A Leprechaun

A Fairy

… and a Robot Ninja

I guess I must have missed the fairy tale about robot ninjas…





2rd Grade-itis?

So I've heard of kids getting "senioritis" towards the end of their 12th grade year. Heck, I even remember that feeling of just not giving a damn about anything that happened after Christmas break that year.

But is it possible that the rowdy 8 year olds in my room have contracted a similar disease that has turned them into obnoxious, lazy (when it comes to work), hyperactive (when it comes to everything else) little creatures?!

Not only that, but it seems like a number of various illnesses have been tormenting the poor young souls of Room D-1. Yes, I will admit that colds have been going around, but is that any reason for literally 9 kids to ask to go to the nurse's office each and every day?!

Some of the recent ailments include:

• a week old bee-sting
• a papercut on the ear lobe (I didn't even ask)
• a sore jaw (I REALLY didn't ask)
• chalk dust in the eye
• a horrendously tangled knot in the hair

And is it absolutely horrible that sometimes its hard for me not to laugh at them when they approach me, eyes all big and sad, and tell me what is wrong?

• "Last night, I fell off my bunk bed and concussioned myself."
• "I think I just have to poop really hard."
• "I paralyzed my tailbone at recess."

Inappropriate Giggles

I think I've mentioned this before, but elementary school Language Arts ain't what it used to be...

I remember getting a list of spelling words drilled into my head each week and being testing on them on Fridays. Nowadays, schools are leaning more towards teaching word patterns and allowing students to use their own invented spellings. I could go on about both the pros and cons of this shift but I'd rather focus on the amusement that it has given me.


Task: List as many things as you can that would fit in the category "sour things"

Example:

Reflection: This is doubly-awful because even if they had spelled it correctly, "salt" is not a "sour thing". In actuality, salt is a "salty thing". Furthermore, as my own father pointed out when I shared this with him, sluts are usually also "salty" by nature.

Task: Draw pictures of things related to the story The School Mural around the border of your book report.

Example:



Reflection: The kids in the story contemplated making a BANNER before settling on a mural. I don't have an explanation for why she chose to make it pink.

Saved By The ...

If you know me AT ALL, you are looking at the title of this post and thinking "Bell"...

but unfortunately, this is not a Zack Morris scenario...

It is a solid fact that this job is taking its toll on me mentally and emotionally.

Why, just this afternoon I started getting all misty-eyed while finishing the last chapter of our read aloud book about a toy rabbit who keeps getting separated from the ones who love him. Luckily, right when I was about to lose it one of my more *ahem* challenging students decided to produce a ginormous armpit fart.

I never thought I would EVER be saying this but... thank you David.

What Are They Wearing?

Exhibit A:
A kindergartener asked me to help him tie his shoe on the playground this morning. Innocent enough. right? As I stood up after tying I noticed he was wearing a Budweiser hat.

Exhibit B:
A 2nd grader in another class who joins us for P.E. was wearing thick black-rimmed hipster glasses. In P.E. And I know for a fact that she does not have seeing problems.

Rated G?

Hmmmm. Which video to show to the class?

What Ever Happened to the Five Gold Rings?

On the first day of Teacher Appreciation week, my 2nd graders gave to me...
... two vases full of beautiful flowers!

On the second day of Teacher Appreciation week, my 2nd graders gave to me...
... a card from each student in the class!

On the third day of Teacher Appreciation week, my 2nd graders gave to me...
... a large basket full of fruit, candy, and other goodies!

On the fourth day of Teacher Appreciation week, my 2nd graders gave to me...
... gift cards galore!

On the fifth day of Teacher Appreciation week, my 2nd graders gave to me...
... acute tonsillitis.

Maybe We Should Rethink This No-Spelling-Lessons Idea...

Reading about the kids' Spring Breaks tonight. Some of my favorite "invented spellings":

• Chokey Cheeze
• Tameckela
• aquireyum
• pancacks with surip
• anut
• reusible instermunts that can be recacled

and the winner is (drum roll please)....

• legwigsarts

It took me about 5 minutes and a good amount of context to figure that one out.
Can you?

Kids Say The Darndest Things...

That statement couldn't be any more true.
Here are some gems from my little darlings...


"I wosted my wunch numbuh and I can't wemembuh it."

Q: "What belongs at the end of this sentence?"
A: "A pyramid.

"You will have a baby someday when your stomach gets all big and lumpy."

Q: "Do you remember how you are supposed to come in?"
A: "Uh huh."
Q: "How?"
A: *pause* "I forgot."

"Monday is Labor Day... y'know where you lay around in your house and don't do anything."

"I like cars and truck and well, basically anything that can roll."

"I am special because... hotdogs." (on a writing assignment)

"My grandfather was a real live soldier in Vietnam.. but then America won.

"Ware wocks... weaf wocks fwom twees... toof wocks... etc"
(taken from a lengthy conversation Betsy had with a rock-collecting kindergartener on the playground)

kid: "My family is my dad, my mom, me, and my baby brother."
me: "What is your baby brother's name?"
kid: "He doesn't really have one.

"People just make up stories about me, but I really never do anything wrong.

"I like tangerines because they come in a cup and are yummy juicy.

Q: "Did you have problems like this at your old school?"
A: "Yes Ma'am."
Q: "Well, what happened?"
A: "I went to the principal's office a lot, Ma'am.

"And then the wolf spied Granny's nightgown hanging near the bed and he was just shivering because he was so freezing cold. So he slipped it on and climbed into her bed where he could snuggle down and get cozy..."
(on a retelling of a story which was far more desciptive than the original text)

"I fink I fwoad up in my mouf a widduh.

"Bye Blizzard! Be a good boy!"
(a student, as he left for recess, to the chinchilla)

"What if......."
(about a million times a day)

"I want to be a sarcophagus."

"Blizzard (the chinchilla) has whiskers like a mouse but a mouth like a CAT!"
(the CAPS mean that his voice got extrordinarily loud)

kid: (gesturing to crotch) "Will I get in trouble if I show you this?"
me: (extremely worried) "Uhhhhhh... Wait. What is it?"
kid: (hand still wavering at crotch) "It's a Pokemon thingy that counts how many steps I take."
me: (extremely relieved) "Ummm. That's okay. It looks like it is in a private place."
kid: (whispering) "Yes. It's on my underpants. I like to check my steps whenever I go to the bathroom."

me: "Give me one action verb, something you can DO."
kid: "MURDER."

"Does doo-doo have a long o or short o sound?"

"I'm pretty sure Willy Wonka is a lunatic."

(while doing a name acrostic poem)
me: "Okay, what is a word that starts with "J" that describes you?"
kid: "Jonas Brothers!"
me: "Are you a Jonas Brother?"
kid: "Well I would like to be."

"Dat kid fwom anudduh cwass telled me I hab boobs."

(looking at my drawing of a penny)
"I think that might be Abraham Lincoln-Log"

me: "In the life cycle, everyone dies. Even humans."
kid: "Well if you get a flu shot, then you can't die."

(watching a jet make tracks in the sky)
kid 1: (pointing up) "Look!"
kid 2: "Iron Man!"
kid 1: "No silly. A jet."
kis 2: "Iron Man in a jet."
(kindergardeners on the playground)

"Is that your real hair or did you paint it?"

"Is a jellyfish a boy or a girl?"

"I have two escapes planned -  just in case a madman comes to school."

"I'm going to wear a tutu."
(a boy)

The Times They Are A Changin'...

Working at an elementary school makes me realize all the things that are different nowadays. It makes me a little sad. Here is a look at the differences between when I was in 2nd grade (1992) and now (2010).


In 1992, we loved Barbies.
In 2010, they love Beiber.

In 1992, we wore jellies and Keds.
In 2010, they wear Crocs.

In 1992, we wore generic sweatpants and long tshirts.
In 2010, they wear Abercrombie, Hollister and Banana Republic.

In 1992, we traded Pogs.
In 2010, they trade Pokemon cards.

In 1992, we read Matilda.
In 2010, they read Captain Underpants.

In 1992, we wove each other friendship bracelets.
In 2010, they wear and trade those F-ing "silly bands".

In 1992, we played by ourselves in our neighborhoods after dinner.
In 2010, they play at scheduled, supervised "playdates".

In 1992, we brought cupcakes in for your birthday.
In 2010, they can only bring popsicles because kids are allergic to everything.

My First Time.

So believe it or not, this ain't my first time at the rodeo.

Okay.. so 2nd grade isn't really a rodeo.
Where did that expression come from anyway?
And "ain't" ain't really a word.
And you shouldn't begin a sentence with the word "and".

But all that aside, here are a few pictures from my first time in the 2nd grade.
(circa 1991-1992)

My actual 2nd grade school photo. Yikes!

Hanging out with Punkin.

 


My first MLB game. Cubs lost in exra innings. I cried.



Riding a pony on the Mitters' farm.

First day of 2nd grade.

First day of 2nd grade with BFF Hilary. Check the attitude! :)

Polka dots and saddle shoes.

Just me, the neighbor Jackie, and Grody Jody (the doll).

Look Dad! No training wheels!

I earned the name "One Sock" from Cousin Jim.

Twin Day with Hil.

Barbie limo + pink hula hoop = perfect Christmas.

Oh yeah... and the creepily lifelike doll.

Brownies.
Note the patch. It's the only one I ever got.

My cousins. Attractiveness obviously runs in the family.

The Magic House in St. Louis

Don't I look thrilled?