My Life In The 3rd Grade: April 2011

Kids Say The Darndest Things...

That statement couldn't be any more true.
Here are some gems from my little darlings...

"I wosted my wunch numbuh and I can't wemembuh it."

Q: "What belongs at the end of this sentence?"
A: "A pyramid.

"You will have a baby someday when your stomach gets all big and lumpy."

Q: "Do you remember how you are supposed to come in?"
A: "Uh huh."
Q: "How?"
A: *pause* "I forgot."

"Monday is Labor Day... y'know where you lay around in your house and don't do anything."

"I like cars and truck and well, basically anything that can roll."

"I am special because... hotdogs." (on a writing assignment)

"My grandfather was a real live soldier in Vietnam.. but then America won.

"Ware wocks... weaf wocks fwom twees... toof wocks... etc"
(taken from a lengthy conversation Betsy had with a rock-collecting kindergartener on the playground)

kid: "My family is my dad, my mom, me, and my baby brother."
me: "What is your baby brother's name?"
kid: "He doesn't really have one.

"People just make up stories about me, but I really never do anything wrong.

"I like tangerines because they come in a cup and are yummy juicy.

Q: "Did you have problems like this at your old school?"
A: "Yes Ma'am."
Q: "Well, what happened?"
A: "I went to the principal's office a lot, Ma'am.

"And then the wolf spied Granny's nightgown hanging near the bed and he was just shivering because he was so freezing cold. So he slipped it on and climbed into her bed where he could snuggle down and get cozy..."
(on a retelling of a story which was far more desciptive than the original text)

"I fink I fwoad up in my mouf a widduh.

"Bye Blizzard! Be a good boy!"
(a student, as he left for recess, to the chinchilla)

"What if......."
(about a million times a day)

"I want to be a sarcophagus."

"Blizzard (the chinchilla) has whiskers like a mouse but a mouth like a CAT!"
(the CAPS mean that his voice got extrordinarily loud)

kid: (gesturing to crotch) "Will I get in trouble if I show you this?"
me: (extremely worried) "Uhhhhhh... Wait. What is it?"
kid: (hand still wavering at crotch) "It's a Pokemon thingy that counts how many steps I take."
me: (extremely relieved) "Ummm. That's okay. It looks like it is in a private place."
kid: (whispering) "Yes. It's on my underpants. I like to check my steps whenever I go to the bathroom."

me: "Give me one action verb, something you can DO."
kid: "MURDER."

"Does doo-doo have a long o or short o sound?"

"I'm pretty sure Willy Wonka is a lunatic."

(while doing a name acrostic poem)
me: "Okay, what is a word that starts with "J" that describes you?"
kid: "Jonas Brothers!"
me: "Are you a Jonas Brother?"
kid: "Well I would like to be."

"Dat kid fwom anudduh cwass telled me I hab boobs."

(looking at my drawing of a penny)
"I think that might be Abraham Lincoln-Log"

me: "In the life cycle, everyone dies. Even humans."
kid: "Well if you get a flu shot, then you can't die."

(watching a jet make tracks in the sky)
kid 1: (pointing up) "Look!"
kid 2: "Iron Man!"
kid 1: "No silly. A jet."
kis 2: "Iron Man in a jet."
(kindergardeners on the playground)

"Is that your real hair or did you paint it?"

"Is a jellyfish a boy or a girl?"

"I have two escapes planned - just in case a madman comes to school."

"I'm going to wear a tutu."
(a boy)

The Times They Are A Changin'...

Working at an elementary school makes me realize all the things that are different nowadays. It makes me a little sad. Here is a look at the differences between when I was in 2nd grade (1992) and now (2010).

In 1992, we loved Barbies.
In 2010, they love Beiber.

In 1992, we wore jellies and Keds.
In 2010, they wear Crocs.

In 1992, we wore generic sweatpants and long tshirts.
In 2010, they wear Abercrombie, Hollister and Banana Republic.

In 1992, we traded Pogs.
In 2010, they trade Pokemon cards.

In 1992, we read Matilda.
In 2010, they read Captain Underpants.

In 1992, we wove each other friendship bracelets.
In 2010, they wear and trade those F-ing "silly bands".

In 1992, we played by ourselves in our neighborhoods after dinner.
In 2010, they play at scheduled, supervised "playdates".

In 1992, we brought cupcakes in for your birthday.
In 2010, they can only bring popsicles because kids are allergic to everything.

My First Time.

So believe it or not, this ain't my first time at the rodeo.

Okay.. so 2nd grade isn't really a rodeo.
Where did that expression come from anyway?
And "ain't" ain't really a word.
And you shouldn't begin a sentence with the word "and".

But all that aside, here are a few pictures from my first time in the 2nd grade.
(circa 1991-1992)